Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I have lost my self and found my self

A lot of things has happened in a short span of time. Unexplained and unexpressed feelings has come (and still coming). So much happiness and enjoyment have I experience but then again so much pain, hurts and sufferings has come. But still I am here holding on.....

I have lost myself in time of my sufferings and my hurts. No one knows what I do really feel, I just go around and pretend I am happy and make my friends laugh. I joke around so that they won't see my pain which seems to kill me. And at the end of the day I felt so alone that no one seems to know I exist in their worlds. I never felt I was important. I cry by myself all night until I fell asleep.

I have to surpassed unfair realities. It is a must do but its hard. I have to sacrifice and give way, for who am I? I am just me and I am tired. I don't want to have sleepless nights again, no heartaches and pain deep inside, no broken promises and no lies. I have dream big and expect great things to happened, happiness and success together with my love ones but I have realize dreams do come true but not for me....And I was afraid to love and trust again. I do hate good byes and I don't want to hear it from the persons I cherish so I stay plain and simple.

Then on I struggled and pray, asking the Lord everyday to help me stand up again. I found a new place to meet new people for a new beginning. I put in mind I have to move on even I am alone, search for what I really want and get to know myself more.

And I met different personalities, wonderful persons, friendly people willing to befriend me. I started moving on and found myself again. I learn to laugh with no pain inside. I learn to let go of the hurt in my heart. And I can say once more "I am happy"...I have come to realize I was loving again and important. But eventually happines does not end just like that, of course there are misunderstandings, jealousy, envy, doubtness and pride roaming around the corners of friendship and love which gaves me the feeling of heaviness of the heart. I have to be prepared again on to be hurt which cannot be avoided and accept changes in my life. I must learn to control things and not forcing things to happened just what I wanted to be but to consider the feelings of others because somehow I cannot dictate the life of persons around me. We all have sinned especially me. And I am thankful forgiveness prevails. Full acceptance is coming along the way which makes me feel glad and confident.

This is a life lesson for me, helping and trusting one another is one of the best thing in friendship and love. And I believe better communication do leads you to success. I have learn to be a better listener and learn how to value friendships, secrets and promises. I had promise to myself that I wouldn't do things that would hurt the person I cherish. I will do my best to be caring and thoughtful.

This does not end here. There are lots of problems to be face, temptations to be a challenge and more realizations to know. I don't know what tomorrow comes, what hinders to my mind is that everything happens for a reason and for a purpose that only God knows first.